After years of frustration with dating in the United States, Tommy Thompson decided to leave. The American expat, now living in Pattaya, Thailand, said modern dating culture back home increasingly felt hostile, transactional, and emotionally exhausting. While he acknowledged that no country offers a perfect solution to relationship problems, he said the social dynamics he experienced abroad felt noticeably different from those he left behind.

Thompson’s experience reflects a broader conversation taking place among many younger and middle-aged men who feel disconnected from modern dating culture in the United States. Critics argue that changing gender expectations, dating app culture, economic pressures, and modern feminist ideology have made long-term relationships more difficult to build and maintain. As a result, some men are increasingly looking abroad for relationships and lifestyles they believe better align with their values.

Recent studies suggest these frustrations are not isolated experiences. Pew Research Center reported that 63% of men under 30 described themselves as single in 2023, while the U.S. Surgeon General warned that loneliness and social isolation are growing public health concerns. A separate Pew study found many Americans report frustration and burnout with online dating platforms.

The discussion extends beyond dating apps and individual relationships. Across much of the developed world, marriage rates and birth rates have fallen over the last two generations, with many countries now facing population decline and aging populations. Researchers point to a combination of economic pressures, changing social values, delayed family formation, and shifting gender expectations. Critics argue these trends suggest modern relationship culture is producing outcomes very different from those experienced by previous generations.

For Thompson, one of the biggest differences after relocating was how he felt treated in relationships. “I spend time with a lot of ladies that appreciate me when I didn’t really have a lot of significant others that appreciated me in the same way back in America,” he said. Critics of modern dating culture argue that many men increasingly feel undervalued, unwanted, or disconnected from traditional pathways to relationships and family life.

Supporters of modern feminism argue that expanded opportunities for women have created greater independence, career advancement, and personal freedom. They also contend that social media, technology, and economic pressures affect both men and women and are more responsible for modern dating challenges than changes in gender roles.

However, critics argue that these explanations do not fully account for the growing number of men expressing dissatisfaction with modern dating. While greater equality has created significant benefits, some believe modern dating culture has also fostered increasingly adversarial attitudes between men and women. Understanding why some men are choosing to leave Western dating markets may be the first step toward addressing the loneliness, frustration, and relationship challenges affecting millions of people today.

Tommy Thompson
American expatriate originally from Houston, Texas, currently residing in Pattaya, Thailand. Interview conducted by Joshua Alvarado.